We had Vlad the Impaled – we called him Vlad the Impaled because of all the rectal feedings we gave him – we had him all tied up in the chair and he couldn’t talk because well we’ll get to that.

So we, the two of us, the clowns as we called ourselves because really that is what we were, performers – we led her in. She was blindfolded and was feeling no pain. She was excited, frankly. We had the collar and the leash, the whole bit, and we had her giggling. Happy pills and she had been fluffed for an hour or so, then more happy pills so she was feeling very, very good, for now.

We were putting on a show for Vlad really.

Look, don’t feel bad for the guy. This is a very bad man who killed a lot of people, and did horrible things to a lot of people sometimes up close and personal.

And don’t feel bad for her because she’ll never know he is watching and if she relaxes she’ll just enjoy herself, and she is very, very relaxed because of the pills and everything.

So I do this bit where I sort of pinch her lower lip and tickle her ear to get her excited – and a little nervous – to start the show.

She is giggling, it is adorable, and the nervousness, I mean I admit it I took this job because I like it and frankly don’t understand people who don’t. I just use my finger and trace around her face and lips and she even does the little bite thing, a little nibble just to show she’s up for it, not that she really has a choice but you know.

So first things first …