Fash The Nation are at their best when they do “deep dives” on people like Frank Sinatra.

In Manhattan there are two bars that are the “Coyote Ugly” bars. Coyote Ugly was a Gen-X film about the famous bar(s) in Manhattan, and the title comes from the idea that you go to this bar, get drunk and wake up in bed next to someone who is so ugly you chew your arm off to get away without waking them up and having to face them. The main gimmick in these bars is that the gals will get up on the bar and dance while singing some silly song, and they might flash their boobies. It’s the kind of place where the bartenders pour shots in your mouth.

These sorts of bar exist everywhere – my favorite one was in Dallas, where my girlfriend was getting all the applause while dancing on the bar – her boobies were pretty fantastic. The thing is, though, in these sorts of bars the gals might worry about waking up up with a “coyote ugly” guy, but guys will instead wake up and panic desperately hoping that a) she didn’t use a fake ID to get into the bar b) she is still there when you wake up and didn’t rifle through your stuff and run off with your credit cards.

The best thing about Manhattan is it only takes living there for 48 hours until you can officially look down on Bridge and Tunnelers.

So at these sorts of things, people like to sing the slightly naff, kind of goofy music of their parents. Now having traveled up and down the East Coast, I noticed that from Virginia going south, people play old time country music when they want to “ironically” sing the naff music of their parent’s generation. But once you hit Philly, going North, it is always Frank Sinatra, or in the more Jewish areas, something like Neil Diamond.

So I was in the one Coyote Ugly bar in the Meatpacking district with the daughter of the Mossad agents assigned to the UN, who they lent me to keep me distracted after 9/11, and she and her friend are wasted and dancing on the bar flashing their boobies and they are going nuts for that song, “Coming to America” by Neil Diamond.

Now there is a lot of goofy country music I’ll admit to liking. I’ll claim to like it “ironically,” but that is just a defensive psychological mechanism – actually, I like it all quite unironically.

Why do you drink? (to get drunk!)
Why do you roll smoke? (to get high!)
Why must you live out all those songs that you wrote (to get laid!)
Over and over,
Everybody makes my prediction
So if I get stoned and sing all night long
It’s just Family Tradition

But Neil Diamond’s “Coming to America?” I mean, to me it just comes across like a song about an invasion of the East Coast. It made me want to get in a taxi, drive up 10th Ave while screaming out the window doing my best Paul Reverse, The immigrants are coming, the immigrants are coming!

So Fash the Nation is doing a “Deep Dive” on Sinatra, and “Jazzhands” mentions he’s a fan. I like precisely two Sinatra songs: Send in the Clowns, and Seventeen – a song I used to literally sing as a little boy, because it has those hauntingly beautiful minor key changes.

I don’t know if FTN got this from them, but the Occidental Observer, a decade ago, did a review of that movie where Sinatra says “religion only matters to Nazis” and lectures the Catholic boys for being “anti-semitic.” And the FTN guys are saying that the Jew kid in the scene had those little curly sidelocks – they are called “sidelocks.”

But Jazzhands and Allsup don’t know that, so they are asking, what do they call those things?

And they say, oh yeah, shylocks.

LOL.

I was your one and only
Till I heard the news
Now I’m sad and lonely
Cause I put down the jews

We have so much in common
Cause we’ve both been so oppressed
We both have big noses
And gold chains on our chests!

Don’t let me down – I’m begging you please
Don’t let me down – I’m down on my knees!
Don’t let me down – Hymietown

I want to form a new coalition
Of soul people and bagel people
From the Chitlin Distrct to the Diamond District
From catfish to gefilte fish
We all need to live as one!

I want to look out over this crowd and see
leather hats and yarmulkes side by side
Come on, brothers and sisters,
All you hymies and hymettes
Say it with me together

Don’t let me down
Don’t let me down
Don’t let me down
Hymietown

I want to bring it together
A Soul and Kosher Coalition
I love those black suits that you wear
And them little tiny curls that hang down in your hair

Don’t let me down
Don’t let me down
Don’t let me down
Hymietown