The guy who slagged the football team
Those yobs were not for him
He turns into a real estate agent
Who believes in discipline
The guy who's first to use cocaine
The wild boy breaking free
He'll end up in a court of law
As a prosecuting QC
Remember the school captain?
Success was a matter of time
I can hear him now as she screams
"Greg, you missed the stop sign!"

311 debuts with Music. Never a fan, but it is surprising how popular these guys get with whites. It’s not quite “alternative” but neither is it quite mainstream pop.

Jellyfish tries again, and fails. It’s odd, on paper this new Beatles should be the hottest ticket. Objectively superior to virtually anything else in pop, for whatever reason they just never catch on.

For the cool hipsters, it’s a banner year: Superchunk, Radiohead, Frank Black, Monster Magnet.

Speaking of Radiohead, Pablo Honey is by far the coolest album of the year, and Radiohead will go on to dominate Gen X hipster music in the way the Beatles had in the 60’s and Pink Floyd had in the 70’s. Creep – basically a rip-off of The Hollies Air That I Breathe. Infamously, the band hated it, but it was one of those songs that changed everything, just like Smells Like Teen Spirit had two years earlier.

For several years afterward, all the coolest hipsters would say that Radiohead was the only band putting out anything good. By the time OK Computer came out, they had achieved something close to Pink Floyd status.

Forget Snoop Doggy Dogg
Forget old Ice T
The true word out on the streets
Is produced by the TAC
What's the use of striving?
As life's road in front unravels
We get to do the driving
Don't choose the direction we travel
Do your homework, or wag for weeks
Grafitti the Dandenong line
It don't matter much when you hear that scream
"Greg, you missed the stop sign!"

This is a banner year for suburban degeneracy. I’ve before explained it was a New Sexual Revolution that made the 60’s seem like the key party from The Ice Storm. Kids these days just wouldn’t believe it, but it was all true. I suspect it was because they had mainstream condoms via the phoney AIDS epidemic, but it was about this time that white teenagers realized as long as they weren’t shooting up heroin or taking it up the butt by dozens of strangers, the chances of actually getting STDs were pretty much zero. The thing was you just kept your promiscuity among your friends. All we did was swap each other’s girlfriends every few months. White women were feeling all third-wave sexually liberated and having a threesome and pretending to be “bi-sensual” was cool, not to mention made your boyfriend go crazy.

Plus – the drugs. Oh my god, the drugs. They could make a movie about it. At what point do you turn from just some white suburban guy getting weed for your friends to an actual narcotics trafficker. Probably when our supplier – a white yuppie looking guy, quite handsome, that could pass for the 90’s version of Patrick Bateman, casually mentions beating up someone late on his payments.

Really, all of a sudden you realize you are no longer just an “edgy” party guy, but an actual criminal. Then, count the gals you are shagging two at a time, and you have to wonder, wait, what is the age of consent again? Sweet sixteen. But it’s not like you were pressuing anyone, they would throw themselves at you as long as you had a car and a bit of a macho, bad boy image.

PJ Harvey puts out Rid of Me, continuing the Hipster White Girl trend. Jamiroquai. Ziggy Marley. Janet Jackson almost shows her tits on her album cover.

Liz Phair puts out Exile in Guyville and essentially introduces Slut Rock. It is difficult to exaplain how cool Liz Phair was. Guys loved her, she was ultra-hipster and anyone “into music” was into her, but she was also Sexually Liberated Feminist Slut Goddess, singing songs about manipulating men through sex.

It also has to be noted that technology was becoming “a thing.” The Internet had no quite arrived, but personal computers – “PC’s” – were becoming extremely mainstream. It also more or less saved the economy. All of a sudden white boys straight out of high school could made good money teaching old boomers how to use their IBM clones and Compuserve accounts. Words like cyberpunk were gaining currency.

U2 was getting worse and worse yet more and more popular. Their Zooropa tour became infamous. The record had no hits but people were lining up to buy tickets to their over-produced concerts. Bono started becoming a kind of self-parody.

Sometime in the next ten thousand years
A comet's gonna wipe out all trace of Man
I'm banking on it coming before
My end of year exams
The rich kid becomes a junkie
The poor kid an advertiser
What a tragic waste of potential!
Bein' a junkie's not so good either
Your folks worked hard for what you've got
You're the fruit of their vine
But who cares what you sow when what you reap is:
"Greg, you missed the stop sign!"

Sheryl Crow. Stereolab. Emmylou Harris.

Kim Deal quits the Pixies and starts a Hipster Girl band called Breeders and has a super-hit with Cannonball. “I’ll be your whatever you want.” I mean the white girls were horny and DTF and they were not in the slightest bit shy about letting you know it.

Future National Security Director Avril Haines is teaching suburban teenage boys about kinky sex at parties where they aren’t checking ID’s, let’s put it that way.

Lots of cool hipster white girls from this time period. Veruca Salt. 4 Non-Blondes What’s Up is played constantly. Kate Bush.

At some point everyone realizes that everyone else loves The Cure too. Over the years, the Cure has become the Goth Grateful Dead – some old fat guy singing melancholy songs on the guitar that everyone truly loves.

Super hottie Belinda Carlisle is still getting constant radio play and is essentially the mainstream.

People may not understand this, but “Weird Al” Yankovic was a star in his own right, and people unironically loved him not just for the parodies but just the idea – and his live band was universally acknowledged to put on a hell of a show.

Weirdo Scientologist Beck is still a hipster favorite three or four albums in.

Ice Cube’s Lethal Injection is probably the last “serious” rap album about “issues” as opposed to just smoking weed. MTV plays Bop Gun constantly and George Clinton starts selling out concerts full of white hipsters that weren’t even alive when P-Funk was playing to all black audiences in DC in 1972.

Apparently, George H. W. Bush complained on live TV that “Jewish lobbyists” were swarming Capitol Hill and bribing Congressmen causing problems for American in the Middle East, and the Jews essentially conspired to take him down.

Ross Perot, a personal enemy of George H. W. Bush due to reasons no one quite understood, probably some CIA shit, was all of a sudden given serious media coverage and people naively throught they could break the two party duopoloy.

Again, no one knew it at the time, but Jeffrey Epstein and Israeli spies had infiltrated the Clinton White House from the earliest days. Clinton’s Presidency was accompanied by constant Boomer Triumphalism.

Then, of course, the first bombing of the World Trade Center and Waco. People went apocolyptic about Waco and literally militians started forming all around the country, and not all of them were run by Feds.

Blind Melon’s “No Rain” is played constantly probably as part of some CIA MK-Ultra torture experiment.

Plush by STP. Tool’s first record. Rooster by Alice In Chains is the greatest song on the radio.

Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be
Growin' up's not a matter of choice
It's a matter of wait & see
So kids, yeah, you can do it
You can be your best!
Girls can do anything
You can pass the test!
I'm OK, you're OK
We're OK, we're fine!
I thought I heard a semi-trailer
"Greg, you missed the stop sign!"