Who started the Proud Boys? Gavin McInnes. Who is Gavin McInnes? He is the Godfather of Hipster Racism. Or at least that is what some blog called him once, maybe a decade ago, but I was already using the term so you can say that I’m actually the founder of the Proud Boys as well as Hipster Racism in general, and Gavin McInnes owes his entire career to me.

And all of us Proud Boys heard the message loud and clear, from the President himself.

Stand down, and stand by.

This is of course a well known phrase, but only for the higer degrees. Originally it was spread only on the Dark Web Chat Rooms, although one can be initiated at a regional Charlottesville Victory Day celebration at local sympathetic taverns (hint: lots of craft beer if you get my drift – and I think that you do. ‘Nuff said. Loose lips, etc.)

Aloha! We heard you, Mr. President. I have sent out the Dogwhistle to my downline cell members. We will remain inactive until you win reelection, or if the Democrats try to steal the election via ballots cast unconstitutionally by those of a lower race, on your code phrase, which we have all rehearsed.

Tucker Carlson will give the signal on the night of the election. Upon verification, each Boogaloo Battalion Brigadier will text his subordinates the rendezvous location and then everyone synchs chrons. Upon meetup on election night, after confirming each member by secret handshake, we mask up and save Western civilization – if you get my drift. Hint, hint… (Leave Handmaidens at home, it should go without saying.)

Remember, Proud Boys, make sure your MAGA hat is clandestinely stowed in your standard-issue Tactical Assault Gear and don’t forget the breakfast cereals, cough cough.

After that?

It’s electric, “boogie woogie woogie.” Get it? “Boogie woogie?” OK’s and Thumbs Up, PB’s and BB’s!


And don’t tell the media.